Guard against displaced aggression
This was discussed under "Frustration and Aggression" and
"Prejudice" above. Displacement may occur person to person (boss to spouse),
group to group (as in prejudice), or situation to general irritability (as when
miserable job or a life filled with broken promises results in chronic
grouchiness). Awareness of the displacement may reduce the anger or make
solutions easier to see.
Avoid hostility-generating groups and sub-cultures. Group
membership provides ready made hostility and/or aggressive attitudes towards
other groups. There are more and less violent-prone subcultures and religions.
The Old Testament "Jehovah" and Allah of Islam are angry gods, encouraging
aggression against our enemies and the wicked. In contrast, Eastern philosophies
of Buddhism and Taoism teach that everything is predestined, so frustration and
anger are foolish. Christianity is middle-of-the-road regarding anger: God is
loving but angry aggression may be used to right wrongs. And, many millions of
lives have been gallantly sacrificed to supposedly settle religious differences.
The attitudes of our friends and family are powerful
determinants of our feelings towards others. If they are hateful, we are likely
to be the same, unless we can escape. Of course, it is a contribution to the
group and to yourself if you can reduce the animosity within your group. But
this is a difficult task; finding new friends is probably easier.
Gain insight by reading, exploring your history, and using
awareness techniques. Look for unconscious motives behind your anger. Were you
neglected, over-controlled, mistreated, or hurt as a child? Is there "unfinished
business" inside you that spills out into other relationships? Is it possible,
if you see other people as being inconsiderate, unfair, and mean, that you are
projecting your own negative feelings and hostile tendencies onto others?
Explore your thoughts and feelings that lie below the surface. Reading about the
sources of anger in others will help you find the origin of your own anger.
How anger can destroy a marriage. Her view is that the
dynamics are often unconscious, e.g. two people may fight all the time because
they both need excessive attention or need to be taken care of. Other couples
may constantly battle about jealous feelings or excessive attention to others of
the opposite sex, which may reflect underlying unconscious fears of loss or
total commitment. What you are angry about is often not the real problem.
Reading can help you find the secret causes.
It is possible to learn to relate and feel differently
towards certain types of people. Even if one has felt superior and been
prejudice, extensive reading about the abuse and awful conditions surrounding
the American Indian, inter-city Blacks, migrant workers, people in Third World
nations, etc. may arouse sympathy and a desire to help improve those conditions.
Most people would say, however, that it usually takes time and meaningful
interaction with individuals of the outgroup before one can truly claim to have
overcome his/her prejudices
Realize that intense anger can be dangerous. If you are close
to loosing control of your anger, realize this is not normal and you need to get
treatment right away. Hostility can preoccupy, distort, and disable your mind;
it can interfere with all other activities and may goad you into doing foolish
and mean things.
