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People - Know Yourself
“Gnothi Seauton”---“Know Thyself”.
---Inscription at the temple of Apollo at Delphi
The face in the
mirror is not the real us. The real us is the ‘I' that we inflict on others. In
order to have a better understanding of the way we affect others, we have to
understand the REAL person behind that mirror image… the ‘I' THAT OTHERS SEE. Self-knowledge is important for two
basic reasons:
i) Attitudes/prejudices from early life e.g. racism, influence our present
actions without our realizing it
ii) Our words or actions have a
long-lasting impact on others.
When Spartacus had first been captured, he was sent to the school for gladiators.
One day, he knocked down Draba, a huge black warrior, in mock combat… then
offered him a
hand
up. Draba refused. Hurt, Spartacus asked him why he spurned the friendly
gesture. “ Because,” Draba told
him, “ gladiators have no friends. One day, in the arena, I may
have to kill you.” For gentle
Draba knew himself: when that awful day came and, in the arena surrounded by
thousands of Roman spectators howling for Draba to finish off the helpless
Spartacus, he was faced with the decision, he leapt into the grand-stand to
attack the Roman Emperor instead. He paid for friendship with his life,
as he had known he would if the matter came to test. Truly, Draba knew
himself. No wonder that, down the ages,
philosophers have told us to know ourselves.
People react to us more or
less in the way we expect them to. Even a dog
that senses fear, or gets a fear reaction, will attack; his chemical sensors
tell him we are scared (he reads ‘guilty'). Atavistic memory is still alive in
the Human Ape, so expect as you project!
From early childhood, parents, teachers, and others condition us, and our
responses, so spontaneous as children, become programmed, and can unconsciously
manage our reactions towards others throughout life…unless we can re-program
ourselves!
In his best seller, “I'm OK – you're OK”, Thomas A. Harris, no Harley street shrink but a
former US Navy sailor tells us exactly how to do so!
He tells us that we are basically in three modes of thought and
behavior in all our interactions with people:
i)
Child-we react predictably
to parental conditioning and responses by giving the appropriate response,
whether crying, sulking, being goody-goody or wheedling favors in return for
good behavior.
ii)
Parent-can be the
authoritative, dominating the life-support system, to be handled carefully. This
authority-figure is conditioned to instruct as per its own built-in program, as
well as to reward or chastise.
iii)
Adult---this is the behavioral mode in which
we are our rational, objective selves, with the left side of the brain (which
looks after these things) in control. We tend to disarm the other modes when
adopting this mode, which is logically precise and impervious to emotion or
conditioning. Usually, the mode to
adopt in official situations.
Wrong, i.e.,
mismatch between two people and resultant conflict, suspicion, and
misunderstanding or worse is the inevitable result when they adopt mismatching
modes. An ‘I'm OK-you're OK' relationship between a boss and staff will result
in better motivation/ expectations being met, resulting in a far happier
workplace.
Some
practical tips on getting there:
Diarise your own or over-heard
comments, for analysis ii) Rope in a trusted associate to help you identify your
life-position, (iii) Use free time to draw-up list of 12 good qualities in
yourself, and your mother-in-law! (This is to reinforce the relative OK-Feel
Good positions). (iv) Note body language to reveal behind-the scenes situations.
Non-verbal conversation is vital. (v) Watch OK scenes around you without, of
course, making a fetish of it. Constant practice will put you wise to ‘games'
others are playing (vi) READ! Dr. Eric Berne's “ Games People Play” is good!
(vii) Do a SWOT ANALYSIS. (viii) Realize that you cannot do anything unless
you really want to.
QUESTIONS:
1.
Why is it important that one knows oneself? How does this knowledge impact on staff
development?
2. How does the ‘I'm OK, You're OK' formula of Thomas A.
Harris help managers in dealing with people?
