FREE online courses on Building a Winning Team - YOUR PEOPLE - Know
Yourself
“Gnothi Seauton”---“Know Thyself”.
---Inscription at the temple of Apollo at Delphi
The face in the mirror is not the
real us. The real us is the ‘I' that we inflict on others. In order to have a
better understanding of the way we affect others, we have to understand the REAL
person behind that mirror image… the ‘I' THAT OTHERS SEE. Self-knowledge is important for two
basic reasons:
i) Attitudes/prejudices from early life e.g. racism, influence our
present actions without our realizing it
ii) Our words or actions have a long-lasting impact
on others.
When Spartacus had first been captured, he was sent to the school for gladiators.
One day, he knocked down Draba, a huge black warrior, in mock combat… then
offered him a
hand up. Draba refused. Hurt, Spartacus asked him why he spurned the friendly
gesture. “ Because,” Draba told
him, “ gladiators have no friends. One day, in the arena, I may
have to kill you.” For gentle
Draba knew himself: when that awful day came and, in the arena surrounded by
thousands of Roman spectators howling for Draba to finish off the helpless
Spartacus, he was faced with the decision, he leapt into the grand-stand to
attack the Roman Emperor instead. He paid for friendship with his life,
as he had known he would if the matter came to test. Truly, Draba knew
himself. No wonder that, down the ages,
philosophers have told us to know ourselves.
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People react to us more or
less in the way we expect them to. Even a dog that senses fear, or gets a
fear reaction, will attack; his chemical sensors tell him we are scared (he
reads ‘guilty'). Atavistic memory is still alive in the Human Ape, so expect as
you project! From early childhood,
parents, teachers, and others condition us, and our responses, so spontaneous as
children, become programd, and can unconsciously manage our reactions towards
others throughout life…unless we can re-program ourselves!
In his best seller, “I'm OK – you're OK”, Thomas A. Harris, no Harley street shrink but a
former US Navy sailor tells us exactly how to do so!
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He tells us that we are basically in three modes of thought and
behaviour in all our interactions with people:
i)
Child-we react predictably to parental
conditioning and responses by giving the appropriate response, whether crying,
sulking, being goody-goody or wheedling favors in return for good behavior.
ii)
Parent-can be the authoritative, dominating the
life-support system, to be handled carefully. This authority-figure is
conditioned to instruct as per its own built-in program, as well as to reward or
chastise.
iii)
Adult---this is the behavioral mode in which
we are our rational, objective selves, with the left side of the brain (which
looks after these things) in control. We tend to disarm the other modes when
adopting this mode, which is logically precise and impervious to emotion or
conditioning. Usually, the mode to
adopt in official situations.
Wrong, i.e., mismatch between
two people and resultant conflict, suspicion, and misunderstanding or worse
is the inevitable result when they adopt mismatching modes. An ‘I'm OK-you're
OK' relationship between a boss and staff will result in better motivation/
expectations being met, resulting in a far happier workplace.
Some practical
tips
on getting there:
Diarize your own or over-heard comments, for analysis
ii) Rope in a trusted associate to help you identify your life-position, (iii)
Use free time to draw-up list of 12 good qualities in yourself, and your
mother-in-law! (This is to reinforce the relative OK-Feel Good positions). (iv)
Note body language to reveal behind-the scenes situations. Non-verbal
conversation is vital. (v) Watch OK scenes around you without, of course, making
a fetish of it. Constant practice will put you wise to ‘games' others are
playing (vi) READ! Dr. Eric Berne's “ Games People Play” is good! (vii) Do a
SWOT ANALYSIS. (viii) Realize that you cannot do anything unless you really
want to.
QUESTIONS:
1. Why is it important that one knows
oneself? How does this
knowledge impact on staff development?
2. How does the ‘I'm OK, You're OK'
formula of Thomas A. Harris help managers in dealing with people?
