FREE online courses on the Art Of Effective Time Management - Assertiveness
Training - Effectiveness - Advantages and Dangers
Assertiveness training has been
used with shy, anxious, depressed, stressed, aggressive and other kinds of
persons. There is "relatively convincing evidence" that assertiveness training
is effective, i.e. it changes the trainee's behavior, at least in situations
similar to those used for practice during the training sessions. It is not
certain that assertiveness generalizes to "novel" situations, i.e. ones you
haven't practiced or thought about.
Furthermore, considering the
hundreds of articles and the 15-20 major books proclaiming the usefulness of
assertiveness training, it may surprise you that there is very little scientific
evidence that the trainees' marriage, work place, friendships and family
relations are improved after learning to be assertive. Amazing, isn't it? In
fact, there are hints that an untrained spouse of a trainee may become less
assertive, more socially anxious, and less sure of his/her social skills. So it
may be wise for married couples or friends or work groups to take assertiveness
training together, emphasizing cooperation and congeniality.
All the research observations
referred to in the last paragraph apply to formal training provided by graduate
students or professionals. There is almost no data about the effectiveness of
reading about assertiveness on one's own and practicing with a friend. Certainly
the impact of self-taught assertiveness on friends and loved ones is unknown; it
sounds convincing that a pleasant, considerate, fair but assertive person would
make a good partner, but perhaps what seems considerate and fair to one person
may seem aggressive to another person. As we change, we should be alert to the
possibility of making life worse for others. Much research is needed.
Alberti and Emmons, who were the
original writers in this area, believe that assertive training works only with
people who are not entirely passive or continuously aggressive. For the
extremes, they recommend psychotherapy. Likewise, if the people around you will
react hostilely to your being graciously assertive, perhaps you should see a
lawyer. Refusing to make the coffee may result in losing your job or a promotion
so move cautiously. It may be wise to postpone a confrontation until the time is
right.
There is no known danger, although
some research has suggested that certain men believe that sexual aggression,
such as kissing, fondling, and even intercourse, is a little more justified, if
the women has initiated the date, gone to the male's apartment, let the man pay
for everything, etc. A female being assertive or unassertive is not going to
cause a rape (that is a male sickness), but all of our behavior has implications
in other people's minds--and some of those minds are chauvinistic, weird,
inconsiderate, etc. In general, you are surely much safer being assertively
honest, rather than overly shy, needy and dependent, afraid of hurting someone's
feelings, uncertain of what to say, and so on.
