FREE online courses on Handling Our Own Aggression & Anger - Level IV
Cognitive processes involved in reducing aggression - Try cognitive reality
checking and reinterpretation
Clearly, how we see our situation determines our emotional
reaction. Example: you are in a fender bender: if you believe you were not
paying attention, you may feel anxious and cry, but if you believe the other
driver was reckless, you may feel angry and become verbally abusive. Some people
(aggressive males, drunks, and people with little empathy) are much more prone
than others to see hostile intentions in others. How biased are your
perceptions? Are you frequently mad and thinking critical thoughts of others? Do
you often think of others as stupid, lazy, jerks, losers, ugly, crude,
disgusting, etc.? Try to test out your negative hunches about specific people.
Try to realize you are over-simplifying, dehumanizing, and vilifying others,
possibly to rationalize your own hostility and maybe as a coverup of your own
self-hatred.
Anger can be reduced by (a) asking yourself if there are
other less hostile ways of seeing (interpreting) this situation, (b) actually
trying to see the situation from the other person's viewpoint (try describing
the situation from their point of view), and (c) thinking about the likely
consequences before acting aggressively. Yes, people can do this, reducing their own chronic
hostility.
Suppose the irritating person can't be stopped or avoided,
e.g. a cantankerous boss or a rebellious child, you can consciously try to
attribute the irritating behavior to new, more acceptable causes. Examples: you
may assume that the boss is under great pressure. You can see your immature
16-year-old as "trying to find him/herself," "scared of growing up," or "well
trained to be dependent," rather than being "obnoxious" or "hateful and headed
for trouble."
People who work in provocative situations, like police and
bus drivers, can be inoculated against anger by learning self-control or by
viewing the other person's behavior in a new light. For instance, New York City
bus drivers are taught that riders repeating questions over and over, e.g. "how
far is 49th street?" may be bothered by high anxiety or by language or hearing
problems. Also, they are taught that apparent drunkenness may be caused by
cerebral palsy, epileptic seizures, mental illness, medication, etc. Now, rather
than getting mad, the bus driver is more likely to think "hey, this person may
be sick." You can become more open-minded by yourself and, thus, less addicted
to anger-generating thoughts about the other person's behavior or situation.
