FREE online courses on Creating Confidence - Learn to Assert Yourself

Lack of assertion

According to Webster's dictionary, the word “assert” means “to state or affirm positively, plainly, or strongly”. A truly assertive person possesses the four characteristics:

·                    Talks freely about self

·                    Communicates with people at all levels

·                    Has an active orientation to life

Accepts limitations

Some people lack assertiveness because they do not acquire the skill through experience and practice. They are conditioned to certain fears. These may be social fears of being disliked, rejected or the fear of anxiety, expression of anger. Such people remain in the same job for years, as they don't know how to be promoted. They say `yes' to requests when an affirmative response is not desired. They do so, as they have never learnt to say `no'.

An unassertive person:

·                    Is often pushed around.

·                    Says ‘I'm sorry' if someone steps on his/her foot.

·                    Lacks openness and directness

·                    Resorts to indirect communication

·                    Cannot exhibit emotions due to lack of expression

·                    Avoids eye contact

·                    Does not make any small talk.

Assertiveness training

If you are basically non-assertive, you come out too weak. As you can't stand up for yourself, you feel hurt, anxious and self-contemptuous. Your deficient actions and reactions produce feelings of contempt in others too. Learn to overcome your shortcomings:

·                    Close your eyes and imagine your idealized self with all the qualities you would like to possess.

·                    Write a description of the kind of person you want to be.

·                    Elaborate the importance of your ideal person's traits

·                    Work on your idealized image.

·                    Know your limitations, as expecting too much would end in failure.

·                    Realize you cannot be everything simultaneously.

Being Assertive in:

Impersonal Situations

·                    Go into three different stores and try on a jacket, coat or a dress. But do not buy the things. This gives you the freedom to say `No'.

·                    Stop about three to four people on the street and ask for directions.

·                    Buy something from a store and then go to return it. Just say,

·                    “I would like to return this”. It helps to bring out your confidence.

·                    Go to a newsstand with a five hundred-rupee note to purchase a newspaper costing only three rupees.

Social Interaction

·                    Express your feelings openly. Compliment a store clerk or a co-worker. Count the number of times you are able to do this.

·                    Similarly express your displeasure to the waiter who serves cold soup or the co-worker who plays the radio while you are at work.

·                    Try to begin a conversation with people sitting next to you by saying, “Isn't it a nice day?” or “I hear it's good movie”.

·                    Do at least one task a week, which you have been putting off like responding to a letter or getting the plumber for repairs.